I've been a self-portrait artist for as long as I've had a camera, even if I didn't know it. Most of us are taking self-portraits at some point, whether it's just because we feel cute, are documenting stages of our body, or want to snap a picture with our favorite humans; we're all doing it.
I've used myself to test out lighting and gear loads of times, but I started leaning into it during the 2020 pandemic. I had all these ideas and suddenly it wasn't safe to invite others over to collaborate. I had time, I had finally carved out the space in my home and I wanted to use it. I was curious and excited about trying everything I could, so I stepped in and started creating images of the ideas I had, by myself. One of my first purchases during the pandemic was for a better tripod. I then tested all the different ways to make my camera trigger and be able to view the images directly after to make adjustments.
I used to hate being in pictures. I'm still more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it. It's honestly significantly easier to take pictures of someone else than of myself. Then I can just focus on taking pictures and not having to do multiple things at once. However, I've released some tension that I used to hold around my image. It's not that I am in love with how I look or anything, but now there is no tension about how I look at all. I'm noticing more curiosity and even appreciation for my body, my face, and my existence. I've done a ton of self-work, so I can't put all of my healing on my self-portrait practice alone, but I think it's been a huge part of retraining my brain.
I've done a ton of pictures at this point, most of which people will never see. I also did some video diaries which certainly adds to the benefits I've noticed. After some time, I've noticed 3 main benefits of a self-portrait practice:
Trying out different personas can be therapeutic and fun. It's not the most obvious one to me, I like flashy things in art, but I tend to be more practical in my personal style. I wear a lot of black and grey. I'm outgoing once you get to know me and as a photographer because I'm focused on my client being comfortable, but I tend to be more reserved in what I wear most of the time. Earlier times when I was taking portraits of myself the intent was usually to test something. I wasn't going to keep the pictures, I "knew they were going to be terrible anyways".
After a while, I leaned into it more, I wanted to show off ideas that I had, wardrobe pieces I had just bought, or some cool theme I had thought of. When I switched to trying to show how cool pictures like X could be, I was caring a lot more about how the pictures looked and was beginning to show them as content on social media platforms. I didn't care how I looked though because I made a cool picture.
After a while, I started wanting to do a self-portrait session so that I could try out a new styling piece. I started getting into the fun of dressing up. I used to do it as a kid but had lost that somewhere along the lines. I don't view myself as a very bold person, but I would dress up in these fun bold ways, just to play. I started realizing that I needed to be able to express myself in that way.
My drive was always wanting to show other people what was possible, but I experienced diva vibes in my studio space along the way. It's like trying out little hidden pieces of your personality. The second benefit I've noticed is a more obvious one.
You become more comfortable with how you look. There's this thing we do when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we adjust how we look at ourselves in a brief moment after seeing our face. It's kind of funny if you think about it, but we adjust ourselves to make ourselves look more attractive, for ourselves... Our pictures don't do that when we look at them.
People will sometimes say "I don't look anything like myself in this picture", but really they haven't seen themselves look many different ways in pictures or otherwise. We'll even avoid looking at our bodies for long periods. Our image can be slightly traumatizing when we've maintained an idea in our head what we should look like.
That's the beauty of just seeing pictures of yourself over and over again; it just becomes normal. That's just a picture of how you look from that angle at that time. That's how I got rid of that feeling of tension about how I look in pictures. I just saw a ton of pictures of myself and over time, nothing shocked me about myself. It's just my body after all.
I'm sure all the time I took video diaries helped. I've also started getting over how much I've hated my voice in the past. Now I'm just happy if I can record a video and my cat isn't meowing over me. I've accepted that she will be heard in any video I take, but it's great when it's not drowning out what I'm trying to say.
You start learning what you DO like in pictures. Intentional practice does make for intentional growth. You will be noticing from the start what you do like to see in pictures and you'll start doing more of it. I like somewhat more delicate posing inspired by old masters' paintings and statues. I can see it when I look at the images I like the most.
The great part about this benefit is that you start putting together things you like pretty much right away. Unlike becoming more comfortable; where there may be a specific millionth picture of yourself, you have to see for it to kick in. You start with what you think you'll like and tweak it until you find more of what you like. Then you're trying new things and rinse and repeat.
You'll start to discover how you like to pose for pictures and then you'll start taking better pictures and that's exactly how you get a self-acceptance snowball. The journey is never over, it's about staying curious about any feelings that make you feel squirmy and then shining a light on whatever makes you feel that way.
I hope you'll take this information in and start collecting some of these benefits as soon as you can so that you can start building your self-acceptance snowball.
I have a little bonus challenge to get you started!
Here's what you do:
First, you're going to get your phone and open your camera application in self-portrait mode, using your front-facing camera.
Next, you're going to lower it to about your waist level. Looking down at your camera, (you'll know you're getting it right if you have like 3 chins) take a selfie of your down-looking squishy face.
Then, you're going to make that picture your wallpaper on your phone so that you see it every time you open your phone.
The final step, every time you see that picture and flinch, or think something nasty, take a quick minute to remind yourself that that's the face that little children and pets see of you and they adore you because they just see you're beautiful face looking down at them.
Once you no longer have feelings about that picture, you'll know it's fine to change it out.
Maybe I'll do some self-portrait tips in another blog!
Thanks for reading this! Comment below if you do the challenge. I love reading your comments!
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